toddler profanity

Time after time we tried. Something would “get in the way”…. 1 week went well and then the dreaded tummy bug wrecked havoc in the house and derailed everything. 3 days back on coarse and then a family trip to visit the in-laws threw everybody off track. You know what I’m talking about. The 2 words that may as well be profanity to a toddler parent… Potty training.
I know, it was easy for some of you and one twin trained the other. That’s amazing! I am jealous! Please!! Tell me how that happened?!?! It has not gone that easy is this household… We’re the boys not ready or was I making excuses?
When the boys were 2, I introduced their new potty and decided to discuss the potty at leisure before bath time and hope they would magically decide to one day use it and wipe their own tushy’s and never pee their pants and everything would be a toddler fairytale! Ha! It’s fun to dream momma! So at 2, our youngest twin used the potty first and was so proud. Every night before bath they would go pee pee on the potty and we had many conversations about what does and does NOT go into the toilet (after some toys got put in the potty and an expensive plumber got called to the scene). “Only the pee pee and the poo poo go in the potty, no toys!”
Since then, (they are now 3 1/2, we have had many attempts to go full potty mode which are usually derailed by a nasty tummy bug or a week long family car trip. I usually decide to put them back in diapers until everyone’s healthy or the vacation is over and then try again to go full on ” big boy undies mode”.
So at 3 1/2 (which was right before Christmas), I decided that it was time. I needed to do it while I knew we would have a few weeks at home and hopefully everyone would stay healthy. I cold turkey’d it and so far, so good. It’s been about 3 weeks. Yes, they wear night time diapers to bed and yes there have been a few accidents by one of them (the other has had NO accidents). But I think that’s totally amazing for two little boys! For 1 to have no accidents and the other to have very few.
We settled on doing the reward system (find what works for you and stick with it- reward system, sticker chart, m&m bowl, etc…. ) I stocked up on little 50cent and $1 isle prizes at Target, if they keep their undies dry for the day or have a big milestone like poo poo in the potty then they get to pick a prize. Then you can make the prizes harder and harder to get once they’ve mastered the business! The first day every time they peed they could pick a prize, the next two days if they pooped they got a prize or at the end of the day if their undies were dry they could pick a prize, and then for about they could get a prize at the end of the day if they had no accidents and so on…
The 3 day method seemed to work great for one of my twins but not at all for my other, so that’s why I implemented the reward system. (It’s amazing what some kids will do for a prize egg! My sons will practically poop on command for one of those things!)
I’m pretty sure potty training is actually – training the parents how to train the child… 😉
So good luck to all of you out there in the trenches! Listen to your instincts and do not let other people persuade you into thinking you have to force your children to potty train at a certain age. You will know when your child is ready. Our boys, our twins, we’re not ready at the same time. One of them has been pottying a lot longer than his brother but did not fully make the cold turkey transition until his twin did. (Anytime I tried to transition them separately they said things like “what about bubba”, “if bubbas not a big boy, I don’t wanna be big” or “I’m sad bc I’m not a big boy like bubba”). All of a sudden they were BOTH ready and even though one still has the occasional accident, he doesn’t feel left out. His brother cheers him on (literally stands in the bathroom and jumps up and down and cheers him on, on the potty. Twins literally clap and jump and CHEER when each other poops!!) and what better motivation could that be?!?! No one does that for me! Well.. Actually, having kids now, we all know whatever we do for them they do for us, so yes, they have cheered for me while I’m on the toilet… (I obviously need some privacy people!)
Listen to your self, you know what’s best for them and do not let anyone tell you that you are ahead or behind, all children go at their own pace! Enjoy the pace. I deff think I made some excuses to procrastinate the enevitable but I also think I was trying to keep up with everyone else. First and foremost your parental instincts should come first to you every time. If something is telling you your child isn’t ready to potty train or eat solid foods or do a certain activity, more than likely you are right. You can always run it past your pediatrician but most likely if you give it a couple more days or another week your timing will feel better.
The look on their faces when they accomplish this huge task is priceless. In a blink your little people will be grown, enjoy all of the daily poo! 😉

 

#momlife

I took a hiatus from my dreamy, all-day writing with cocktails and fancy deadlines to, you know… wipe some tushys and take some names. If you haven’t kept up with us on the all mighty facebook, then you are totally missing out on adorable pics of kids in super hero masks, pics of kids in star wars outfits, super cute pics of kids at the zoo, crazy adorable pics of kids in the pool, funny pics of kids taking selfies and of course adorable naked bootys while kids pee in the grass (which is probably my fav and maybe somewhat illegal). Ive watched myself become “that mom” that literally takes no less than 20 pictures a day over the past 4 years and sometimes I have to delete 200 pics to take 1 bc there is 4,358 pics on my iPhone at any given time. (Its ok momma, just delete the blurry selfies that the blonde kid took the other day, you’ll get through this…)
It wasn’t my intention to take a hiatus. If I had it MY way I would write everyday… after all, this is my passion (outside of my family). But we all know that being a momma usually means putting your family first and you can barely remember to take out the trash or feed the dog…. (the dog!), let alone any remnants of a hope or a dream. Why cant we have them all? Why cant we do them all? Let me tell you guys something….. You can! Or atleast you can try! Don’t let go of who you are bc you brought tiny humans into the world. For a long time I didn’t know who I was. In fact, I think it took having children to find myself (that could be a whole book, I know!)…. It took children to find myself. Yes. That is absolutely correct in my world.
I was never THIS person; This crunchy country, there is a vitamin for that, no makeup, hair in an eternal mom-bun, fertility advocate, faith searching, sports play’in, non 9-5’er, super-hero sidekick’in, family first, outdoor love’in, granola eat’in, sober, boymom! I was a version of this person but I was never THIS person and I LOVE this person… This is me. I finally found me and my boys brought her out. I had to have children to find myself. Otherwise I would have been completely complacent sitting at my 9-5 and drowning my troubles in a bottle of wine every night. Yes stability is good, yes money is delightful. But monotony and losing who you are in the daily grind is not. And never even KNOWING who you are is even worse. (That got deep quick)
The past four years of the boys lives but the past year especially has showed us many trials, starting when I miscarried after our most recent FET cycle. (I may have taken it harder than I let on, but you know, that’s what we do, hold it all in til we explode and get fall down drunk, go on a shopping spree or quit your job)…. Well, I quit my job and so did my husband. i had also been helping care for my momma who at one point, we literally thought she wouldn’t make it. I remember looking at my dad, crying and saying I wanted to break her out of the hospital and take her to another hospital bc they weren’t finding the answers and we thought we were losing her. I thought my mom was going to die. We had twin boys who were 2. A girl needs your momma when you have twin sons…. I needed her to ask questions about sippy cups, foods and potty training…. Not thinking she might not get out of that hospital. I remember having talks with the boys almost preparing them for the inevitable, telling them how sick Mimi was. My parents had watched our boys 3 or 4 days a week their whole life and now suddenly she was in the hospital for 30 straight days. Things changed. Life changed. Goals and dreams changed. My boys will always be able to give any of their family (grandparents especially) that extra hug or kiss in the driveway or run back in to give them another flower…. I urge you guys to do the same. I will always long for one more day with my grandma bc of time i wasted, please never rush your kids when they linger with their grandparents. Those moments are needed in your memory bank.
You would think that marriage would be an easy one…. oh holy hell. If your marriage can withstand fertility, sleepless nights of a new baby, (multiples if you have them) then you THINK you are out of the woods…. Get ready bc there is more. Marriage is a series of events, a series of curveballs thrown at you and you two have to decide if you are strong enough to withstand it yet again. And OH BOY is it hard when you have given up alcohol…. I am well aware that THIS is what marriage is. Two people working at it everyday to make it work and never giving up on each other. Fighting with each other and for each other. (And sometimes wanting to throw something AT each other all while NOT fighting bc you do not fight in front of the kids… its a crazy juggling act my friends ). If you guys can get through all that and then make it through a sick parent and total disintegration of all finances…. you’ll be set! Pick yourselves up off the floor and build yourselves back up. “No where to go but up” right?
Just focus on your family. You and him and your children to get you through whatever hellish marriage issues you got going on…. And if that means buying a sailboat and sailing around the world, you do it. I know if i ever sail around the world, exactly the 3 boys i want to do it with.
In the past year i sole searched… and i mean, the deep down, faith finding, gut wrenching, who are you, what do you love to do, why do you care, why didn’t you persue that, whats driving you you to do that kinda sole searching. i think everyone needs to do that. But hey, you know, KIDS. For some reason, i never did that “take a year off to my find myself and backpack across Europe trip” or the “semester off to figure out what i want to do”… i just dove right into life. Ive worked since i was 16, longed to be a wife and a mother and didn’t have any other goals. Get some goals. Get some dreams of your own. After i had apparently a mid-life crisis and quit my job (bc we were not seeing eye to eye on some things) i started my own business and started persuing more of my own things. Yes, its crazy hard. Will it pay off, i don’t know…. Was it worth it? Yes. I may have squandered some of the time the past few months in self pity and self doubt that i could have been using more wisely with my sons, but i wouldn’t trade it for the world bc the amount of time i would have spent away from my sons right before they are about to enter school was absolutely worth it to me. These two precious little souls that we fought for and injected for and cried for and did everything possible for for years?… Yes, i needed that time with my sons to wear super hero masks to the store and lay in a box on a rainy day in the living room before they are about to enter PreK.

In the past year of taking a writing hiatus, i have learned, your only as strong as your weakest link…. i still hate tornados, taking selfies with my boys is seriously so fun, fertility is amazing and im thankful for it everyday, marriage can be hellish but my husband is THE person i want to do life with, I still need my momma, do little things to show people you love that you care about them, marriage is a constant work in progress, always be searching for your faith, happiness does not exist at the bottom of a bottle, do not let other talk you out of your passion, I love to ask people a million times if they need to pee or not (not just my sons), I’m a pretty darn good writer but you know… starving writers. I really appreciate all you fine people reading what i write though. It means the world to me.

Mikenzie Oldham

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Lets talk about FAVS

Explaining to our sons about the birds and the bees….

So lately I’ve been kinda taken back by my children asking me about boobies and to diffuse or to dodge the conversation, I told him to go ask his daddy.So the hubs brought up a good point -that i know all infertility survivors will understand… 

He said something along the lines of how the hell am I supposed to explain where babies come from?!? 

“Well you see son, you go to the dr office and get a cup for your “sample” and then mommy goes in and they pull out the eggs and the dr puts it all in a petry dish….”

And our kids are sitting there going HUH?!?! 

My little premies are almost three

Where has the time gone? In 2 short months these tiny boys will be 3. I still feel like I can’t remember so much of the first two years and I search pictures and Facebook posts and writings for clues to jog my memory. I assume it’s a fraction of what someone with amnesia feels like. Every once in awhile my husband or mother says somthing and I rembemer that magical time or that sweet baby smell. I hate it that, thats what I longed for so much and that goes by in an instant. The toddler and pre-school stages are fun as well and cute as he!!, but I long to sniff that sweet sweet baby smell again! Yes… Tiny bit of a baby fever has crept back up…. 

Age two, while filled with temper tantrums and the word “no” worse than a teenager is hilarious and I have made sure to savor every second. We spend every second outdoors and I make sure to get plenty of video snipets of funny things and cute pics. Still of coarse slacking on the baby book but instead I have all these great stories that I can one day share with them! 

I actually have really loved two and hate to see it go… The words learned and sentences formed. The attitudes created and personalities aquired.  They have become their own little people before our eyes and I am truly thankful I got to watch it happen. I am so madly in love with these two little human beings and I could not ask for anything better. Even in the midst of a meltdown, I know in a few minutes it will get better and our little world will go right back to normal if we just stick it out for a few minutes. Then all my boys will be right back to happy smiley rowdy, rough and tumble, little boys, who love their momma. 

New article on Twiniversity will be out April 29 “Let’s thank our Village” 

My kids 1st bullying

And I witnessed it. My heart broke for them.
I have taken them to numerous parks and met new friends. We have taken them to museums and zoo’s and aquariums. We have friemds over and go to birthday parties. For 2 years, 9 months and 1 day my children have dodged getting any type of bullying by other children. I am pretty certain of this since I am such a “helicopter mom” and tend to hover a bit and since they are still pretty small, I am usually within a few feet of them and am constantly listening.
I finally realized I am a helpcoipter mom (article coming soon! shameless plug) and have been trying to step back a bit to give my children a little more freedom. We had gone camping and ventured to this big beautiful playgoruns with tons of kids on it and lots of places for them to fall from. I was walking around making sure they were ok when I heard the conversations…

2 little girls and one boy were together not sure if they were siblings or cousins or friends but the two little girls said to my blondie as he tried so hard to climb the rock wall with them “you can’t do it, you need your moooommmmmy to help you” and the other little girl said “your just a baby” so then he looked at me and said will you come help me and I of coarse jumped over to help like it was the coolest thing ever! And actually started to climb it with him. Because WHERE were those girls mommy hanging out with them? No where. They kinda watched a minute and then walked off. I thought that was it and we squashed it. Thought that was the worst of it…. 

A few minutes later the boy of the group was taunting Kingston. He was about 6. My guys are 2 1/2. I walked over closer. I was thinking if the older kid doesn’t want to play with my guys, don’t play , why does he have to pick on him??? He saw Kingston had a diaper on… (We are close to potty trained but not yet) and the older boy started yelling “YOUR A DIAPER BABY, DIAPER BABY, DIAPER BABY, DIAPER BABY, YOUR A DIAPER BABY” and started running off. Kingston thought it was funny and started chasing him. The boy was running FROM him and Kingston thought he was playing tag. RIP MY HEART OUT NOW!!!! 

The mother or aunt or adult sat on her ass on the bench and did nothing. I glared at her. I grabed Kingston’s hand and said “come on baby, let’s go play, this little boy is not very nice” pretty loudy. 

What would you do in this situation??? I didn’t handle it correctly . I was stunned. In total disbelief. Luckily my children had no clue what was going on.

Kingston wanted to continue to “play” with this little boy and I explained to him that sometimes little kids are not nice and that he needs to ignore them and walk off. I shouldn’t have to teach him that at 2 1/2 years old. That broke my heart. 

I understand that we all have different parenting views and maybe that lady thought that it was okay how her son was treating my son. Maybe she is so disconnected with her children she had no clue what was even going on. 

I’m not trying to tell anyone how to parent bc I strongly believe that everyone has extremely diff patenting styles that work for them but at least know when your kid or the kid you are watching us affecting another child in some way. 

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Ignorant humans.

My heart is broken. I’ve been camping for 2 days w/ my beautiful family and came back to read this! I spend a lot of time and energy being an advocate for IVF. My husband and I are constantly sharing our story to give people hope that they too can overcome their struggles w/ infertility and achieve their goal of a family. Over the weekend Dolce and Gabbana said “I call children of chemistry, synthetic children”. How dare you! Shame on you! Your voice is too big, people will believe you and that is far from the truth. You 2 are ignorant and need to do your research before saying something like that. Our children are anything BUT synthetic! I know my voice is tiny compared to yours but I will do my best to make sure that the whole IVF community knows how ignorant you are. I know that your opinions do not really matter and that all that matters in this world is that there is a science that has helped so many loving couples gay or straight to become the parents they so greatly desire to be. I just hope beyond hope that your nasty voices has not detoured anyone’s dreams before my voice or another infertility survivor’s voice could get to them first. Shame on you.

DOES ANYTHING LOOK SYNTHETIC ABOUT MY CHILDREN?

Day 2

We made it!…. And asked for more. We decided to stay night 2 and the boys are having an amazing time! And shhhhh so is their daddy! (He’s tried to buy fire wood no less than 8 times)… If we had it our way. Yes. Our way, we would not live in the city! 

Here’s a few pics from today . Stories will come.